I wish they made helmets for livers.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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