Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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