"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
