I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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