I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize