My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
