yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
