dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
