dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
