saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
