What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
