Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
