the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
