i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
