if you like me you must not know who I am
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
