Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
