He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
