my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
