I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
