Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize