the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
