its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
