the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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