Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
