that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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