she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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