is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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