In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
