checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
