3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
