im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
