I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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