TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
