how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
