why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
