I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
