i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
