I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
