he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
