I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
