i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
