he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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