Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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