your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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