i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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