I wish I could teleport
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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