WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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