So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All the doctor said was why
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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