Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
