everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
as a side note pls kill me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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