If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
