doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
