I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize