She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
