Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
