i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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