in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and she was petting her beer can
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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