If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
