Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
