I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
