There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
